A friend on facebook sent me this message:
“I thought of you the other day when I was thinking about “kids who turned out well.” Your mom and dad did such a good job raising you and your sisters to live authentically while following the Lord Jesus.
Any thoughts on how to do that with my own kids? What are you doing the same? Anything different?”
I decided to put my answer to her here because I want to remind myself of my goals when the going gets tough. 🙂
As far as what my parents did to turn out great kids? lol. Thanks for the complement! You know, so much of it is just by the grace of God. I know they prayed for us and I always knew they loved us and would be proud of us as long as we did our best. They also emphasized being able to take care of ourselves and to be leaders, not followers. One time when I was in the 6th grade I wanted to go see Rocky 4 with some girls from my class at Rockridge theater — on the bus. Instead of saying, “no,” my dad told me I had to figure out how we would get there — figure out which bus, what times, etc. Then the day before he took me on a “dry run” where he was just a spectator and watched me figure it out for myself. We rode the bus, had to make connections, figure out where to catch the next bus, and how to get back home . . . when I didn’t know if I was going the right way he didn’t correct me, I had to ask a stranger (just the way it would be when I was with my friends).
When I went to the movies the next day with my friends, none of them had a clue what they were doing, but I did. I marched them all to the right bus stop and knew exactly what number bus we needed to take. I was the leader that day! Now that I have a 10 year old, I can’t believe my dad let 12 year old me cruise around Oakland with a bunch of dumb 12 year old girls, but I love him for it. I guess the lesson I take from it is I want to equip and empower my kids for whatever it is that they need/want to do even if it’s more work for me.
My goal is to raise them to be independent, self-sufficient, hardworking, loving people. They do a lot of work around the house — laundry, dishes, vacuuming, cooking, etc. All these fall under our school category of “life skills.” My desire is to foster close relationships between them — brothers as best friends. Homeschooling and military life really helps with that. When they aren’t treating each other well, they need more practice spending time together and less time with friends. 😉 We talk about “Team Chartier” a lot. We’re all working together for a common goal — the success of our family. We stand on the sidelines and cheer for each other at sporting events (instead of playing with friends on the playground), we work together to pick up the house before dad comes home from work (ideally, lol), when dad gets paid, we all get paid — they get commission because they do whatever I ask during the week (instead of paying for specific jobs) and that helps our family to succeed so they get a cut of the “profits.” lol
For homeschooling curriculum, I use Five in a Row as my core and love it. I’ve researched TONS of different curriculum, methods, etc and for us, I’ve decided that less is more. I don’t have any desire for my kids to grow up to be the smartest people — I want them to be sharp, but I don’t care if they know Latin or can compete in the National Spelling Bee. I’m most concerned that by the time they graduate they are great readers, can communicate what they have learned by writing well and can teach themselves anything else they want to know/learn.
It sounds funny to say this, but my philosophy of homeschooling has been greatly influenced by the show “Are you Smarter than a 5th grader?” even though I’ve only seen it once. I realized as I was watching that the entire premise was that 5th graders know all these facts that successful adults like drs and lawyers have forgotten. So why are we wasting our time teaching things that aren’t important in the long term? Obviously you don’t need to know the types of clouds to be a successful adult. If a successful adult wants to know what the different cloud structures are, he or she can look them up. So I resolved to worry less about what they were learning and more about teaching them how to learn and enjoy the process.
If you want to know more about what I do for homeschooling, feel free to ask. Just be forewarned that we’re not big academics. I’m more concerned that they are treating each other well. I also feel like boys need more time to be boys and to play and more concentrated focus on studies will come as they get older and mature. One thing that I love are the Seeds Family Worship CDs: http://www.seedsfamilyworship.net/ (you can also download them from itunes, amazon, CBD, etc)
They are scripture set to music — but they sound more like something you’d hear on christian radio, not like the stuff they had when we were kids, lol. The boys listen to them and are memorizing scripture without even realizing it. That is the stuff that will stick with them for life.
Ok, I’ve rambled on long enough. Thanks for letting me share with you!