I’ve been fine lately. Fine. Really just fine. Functioning fine. And sometimes I’m FINE!! But I’m not where I should be. Instead of waiting until the hole gets deeper, I’ve decided to up my meds. The island broke me and I need some patching up.
Actually Josh is the one who yesterday said, “You need to up your meds” after I started tearing up while talking about this mall that we aren’t allowed to go to and I have no desire to actually go there, but I felt uncontrollably sad about it for some reason?!? It’s always easier to have someone on the outside who is an accurate judge of what is normal and what is not. And for me, that was not normal.
At the same time I switched crazy dog (said lovingly because he is not crazy like he used to be) over to Prozac because though I am very happy with how he has improved on Zoloft, he still isn’t relaxed enough to chew on a toy or a treat while he’s in his crate. He just lies there stiffly and when we’re not home he must claw at the gate because he has almost worn through the front plastic wall.
The boys are doing great (and thankfully not on any meds) and enjoying the start of the new school year. We’ve managed to get up on time 3 days in a row, though this morning Caleb crawled back into bed after his shower and fell asleep. Carter found him right before the bus came and we threw a piece of fruit at him and ushered him out the door with still-wet bedhead.
All three boys start basketball this week. They just hired a youth sports coordinator at the base and I am thrilled that they are providing athletic options for the kids: water polo, basketball, dodgeball, soccer, baseball, etc. Since we don’t have a yard, organized sports has been the only way to keep them active.
Now that we’re in year two, the wait begins to find out where we’re going next. The first round of options was released last month, but we were not on that list. A draft of second round possibilities came out this weekend and there is one location available where I could envision my life as a happily ever after, retired with my backyard vegetable garden, but it’s a long shot. A very long shot. There are a few other possibilities, but nothing else that sings to me like that one. We should know in a few days if it’s even an option and then begins the process of negotiation, dodging bullets (there are a few that we do NOT want), and begging.
