I remember being a senior in high school and for the first time in my life I couldn’t see where I would be a year into the future. Previously I could always forecast the path my life would take. As I graduated from Laurel Elementary, I knew I’d be strolling the big halls at Bret Harte Junior High in a few months time and then 3 years later I’d be going to Skyline High School. It was all stretched out before me. The only mystery was which teachers I would have and which friends would become my BFFs until they were replaced by other BFFs. Until the fall of that 12th grade year when my future faded into a fog and I couldn’t see what was coming next. It was a sharp bend in the highway. College? Career? I couldn’t see where I was headed next.
Now, as an adult, I know that my childish foreknowledge of my future was a myth. But back then it seemed pretty well set. And if you aren’t in the military or in a career where your location is constantly changing, your future probably seems pretty well set too.
Once again we are at a place where we can’t see into the future. I’ve had plenty of these moments over the past 16 years. I’m not sure if it’s getting easier, but I have gotten better at letting go.
Less than year from now we’ll be moving. I have no idea where. We’ve put in our requests with a prayer breathed to God that he would determine our next location (even if that takes us to [that place that shall not be named].)
I can’t help but stand and try to peer through the mist, imagining the different possibilities and which would be best . . . would Germany be the lush simple living I’ve always dreamed of? Would I learn to say “Auf Wiedersehen” like Heidi Klum and eat schnitzel every day? Would Camille go to an actual kindergarten and translate for me with all the German moms? Would I be at home in New York surrounded by city sounds that never cease? Would we go biking in Central Park and visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art every week? Where would the kids go to school if we went back to Monterey? Would I be content to buy our very first house there if all we could afford was a “crack shack” in one of the most beautiful places in the world?
Every time we move, I’m always glad I don’t have to choose — how could I ever decide between Good, Better, and Best? Changes are coming . . . stay tuned!