The most ridiculous thing I did today was give my dog a glycerin suppository (yep, up the butt) to get him to poop before I left the house. He’s doing much better with his separation anxiety thanks to the prozac/cheeze whiz cocktail I give him every morning (another ridiculous thing I do), but he gets nervous tummy and will poop in the house on occasion if I’m gone “too long” (anything longer than 10 seconds is too long is his book). By clearing things out ahead of time, it ensures that I don’t come home to any “surprises.”
The second most ridiculous thing I did today was stab myself in the hand with a fork. It turns out that the Ben and Jerry’s cardboard carton will not stop a fork that has missed its ice cream trajectory and hits the bottom of the carton. On a related note, it’s not a good idea to substitute a fork for a spoon just because the ice cream is too hard to scoop. Also, puncture wounds hurt. Stay tuned for comments from my family like, “At least you didn’t step on a fork!” since one time I left a fork lying on the floor in front of the TV and my dad stepped on it and the ensuing fork throwing and foot infection shall never be forgotten.
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Micah got his revenge by pooping on the boys’ floor in the middle of the night and waking me at 6am to go outside.
Touché, Micah. Touché.