This week I was supposed to be packing for our Italian adventure, but instead I’m canceling train tickets to Venice and Florence. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, it is what it is. I’m sort of in a mood — not happy, not sad, just functioning on a neutral plane (way better than being mad, which was last week). There are lots of new people on the island which is probably a good thing, but it’s tiring to say goodbye to old friends and put in the effort to make new ones. I think that’s part of it. I’m tired from my plans being upended and put in limbo so all the normal new arrival chit-chat seems . . . superficial? been there done that? tired? fake? I don’t think it’s any of those things, but I’m finding it more difficult than usual to muster up the effort.
It also feels a bit like I’m pregnant — NO I’M NOT. What I mean is whenever I’m on base I’m asked by everyone all the standard questions: “How is Josh doing? Any word on when he’ll be back? Are you all hanging in there?” It’s the same kind of ritual a pregnant woman goes through over and over throughout the day: “How are you feeling? When’s the baby coming? Do you have a name yet?” All well meaning, but none of the questions really have any answers. (I usually felt fat, was overdue with no end in sight and had no clue about a name and if I did, I wouldn’t have been sharing it anyway.)
So my “pregnant” answers go a bit like this:
1) Yes, I suppose Josh is fine. He messages me once a day to let me know that he’s still alive (though that’s not a concern of mine anymore). Other than that all I know is that he works long hours (working until after 11pm usually) doing something that he can’t tell me about.
2) Nope, no word on when he’ll be coming home. Maybe September? Yes, I know that’s really far away. If I tell myself September maybe I won’t have a nervous breakdown come August 25 when the kids are back in school and their dad has missed the entire summer. Best case scenario looks like late August, but I know the government is never as efficient with getting them home as they are in sending them away.
3) We’re all doing OK. Keeping busy with summer activities since we have no other choice. In fact, that’s why I’m sitting here on base right now. And why I’ll be here every day this week. Because my life has become one big loop between the base and my house since my backup shuttle driver isn’t here to do all the return trips that we had previously planned.
Since he can’t tell me what he’s doing, Josh will sometimes send news articles that point me in the right direction. This is one he sent last night. He’s not part of the group protecting the embassy:
Josh’s 4th of July
