My vague sense of frustration today is how to know when to intervene in a situation in your child’s life and when to sit back and let things shake out as they will. Generally I have them handle their own stuff relating to school, but this past week Josh and I got all kinds of involved with Calvin’s school schedule. For his Junior year he opted to enter a very difficult academic program that spans 2 years, but when we found out that we’ll be moving at the end of this year we decided to pull the rip cord on the parachute and bail. We had to move fast because this week is the beginning of second semester and the last week that classes can be changed.
I say “we” because Calvin wasn’t sure what to do and I was very sure that this was the right thing for him and for the well being of the entire family. I wasn’t convinced he should go for the harder track in the first place and a semester of mediocre test scores and highs and lows as his grades went up and down confirmed that this was not a rollercoaster that I wanted to ride for another semester. So we quit. I went in and we met with his counselor who was very kind and supportive, but disappointed (which is why I went. So he couldn’t be talked back into staying with the more difficult schedule) and she helped us trade IB Biology for Physics for Dummies (not called that, but the physics teacher came into the office to make sure that I knew that this was a “Mickey Mouse class” well below his level, Theory Of Knowledge for Computer Gaming, and Information Technology for a Global Society turned into Photoshop. It’s what you do when every other class is full. He kept 3 of his Honors classes and subbed European History for Government so it’s not a complete downgrade, but enough of one that we should notice an improvement in his stress level for second semester. (And therefore, mine.)
Additionally, as he was going over the graduation requirements at the school he’ll be attending next year so he could pick classes that would meet those requirements, he noticed that because they have a Fine and Performing Arts emphasis, they offer classes like guitar, Advanced Chorus, Drama, and all sorts of other things that he is passionate about and now he’s very excited to be headed there. Praise God. Things are looking brighter already.
So there’s one more situation that is causing stress and frustration for him (sports related) and I’m leaning toward advising him to cut his losses and move on. I know we’ve done a good job of teaching him that life is not fair and we don’t always get what we want or deserve, but I also want to teach him to stand up for himself, to have pride in what he does, and to know when his efforts aren’t appreciated it’s OK to walk away. Or do I let him get banged up some more (emotionally) and persevere? For how long?
I was never a quitter, to a fault, and that’s just as unhealthy as quitting as soon as something gets hard. I figure if I’m ready to quit, then we must be well past the point of reasonableness. And I think I just figured out what to do . . .