Month: May 2018

You knew I had to do it, right? That song has been begging to be a post title all week. Today was an easy day because I had no expectations. It’s Sunday. Nobody is working on the other side of the world. As soon as the window closed on the week in the US there was no chance of getting any news, so the tension left. That gives me 48 hours before things crank up again and I’m on pins and needles waiting for our future to be revealed.

I woke up this morning and the switch had flipped. I was in a good mood at the gym, got to work out with Josh, and I was happy to see all the kids at school . . . most of them anyway. I had had one tough afternoon last week and two adorable 6 grade girls stopped by my desk to make sure I was feeling better today. Things like that make the job worth it.

After school Camille and I finished up at the library and then we went to AWANA. Our last official meeting before end of year awards and movie night. Camille finished her book, I taught my last lesson and khalas, we are done. Sundays are usually exhausting because I’m going from beginning to end and we never get home before 8pm, but we finished well and I’m pleased. I thought I’d know by now if I’d be around to lead again next year, but I guess we’ll wait and see . . .

I figured it out. I feel exactly like I did past the due date of each of my pregnancies. Tired, cranky, stressed, over the entire thing and just wanting to move on to the next phase. Of course there was nothing problematic about my pregnant state and I could have continued on indefinitely except for the fact that I had had a finish line in sight and now I was past it. And that made it intolerable.

I’m 50 lbs lighter now, but I’m still getting the same kind of phone messages: “any news on the job?” Or “when will you hear?” And the expectant looks and raised eyebrows when we see people in person might as well be saying, “haven’t you had that baby yet?” rather than, “do you have the job yet?”

So if you see me, give me a wide berth. Not because of my huge belly this time, but because of the weight of expectations that I’m carrying between my shoulders.

I wrote this yesterday, but didn’t post it . . .

 

Last night I woke up about 12 times and each time I’d been dreaming that Josh woke up, checked his email and there was no news about his job. Then on the 13th time he did wake up and check his email and there was no news about his job, but since I’d already lived it 12 times over it wasn’t a surprise. I guess I’ve become a modern-day Joseph and God is revealing the future through my dreams. In that case, tonight I’m hoping for sweet sleep full of job offers, beach vacations, and 12 grandchildren. (I’m planning to be the best grandma ever. I just need to pick my #coolgrandma name and I’ll be set.)

Technically, tomorrow is the last day of the week, the week where we are supposed to find out either way. When we wake up in the morning it will be after close of business on Friday . . . tick-tock.

TODAY: NOW IT’S PAST THE END OF THE WEEK AND I’M STILL IN LIMBO

Yesterday I wrote the above, we went to church, taught kids church, and the day was great, but by late afternoon the stress was getting to me. I feel like such a whiner cause it’s not like I’m waiting for a cancer diagnosis or some other terrible life changing news. We’re waiting to hear about a job. A good thing. But here I am, holding stress in my jaw and shoulders and feeling on edge. So around 7pm last night I crawled in bed, didn’t eat dinner, and went to sleep. Just like a toddler who needs to end the day and start over again tomorrow. Josh took the kids out to eat and mama checked out.

So now we’re in the weekend — both here and in the US. We can guess at why it’s taking so long and say things like, “If it were a no, it would be a quick response” or “maybe it’s taking longer because they are arguing over who to hire” or “it could be that putting together a salary package for overseas with kids is more complicated and taking longer,” but the short answer is we don’t know and we don’t know why we don’t know. But as soon as we do know, you’ll know.

I think I’m at 59 — I skipped yesterday, but if you feel shortchanged, go back and read day 61 again. Every day this week feels the same.

I am in a funk. Kind of. I’m at peace about the future. I’m still positive Josh will get the job, but my mind is restless. I want to hurry up and know. Though as I think about it, that shouldn’t matter because either way I get up, go to the gym, go to work, and prepare to go home to California in 6 weeks. Either way, I still have to pack up the house, I still have to go through our things and declutter, still have to close out our life here . . . but will it all be done with a forward thinking view: “We’re coming back!” or will it be the last hurrah, farewell to the Middle East?

I think we’ll know tomorrow morning (Friday) when we wake up. It’s when we got the word that he had made it to the final round of interviews 2 weeks ago, and last Friday morning he had the interview . . . maybe this Friday he’ll have the job.

I’ve got nothing. I went to the gym, chiropractor, work, and killed another day. It’s Tuesday morning US time now so the window is once again open to hear something . . . I’m tired of writing about waiting, I’m sure you’re all tired of reading about waiting. The entire process is bursts of excitement linked together by long stretches of tediousness.