We’ve finished our time in Southern California and are headed back north to the Santa Cruz/Monterey area. I’m writing from the air, killing time. I’ve been doing my last few (short) flights drug free — maybe I’m trying to prove something to myself? Since they don’t make me feel any different, maybe I think they might not be doing anything for me? Hello to my future flying self, just take your medicine whether you think you need it or not.
Because without it I feel a bit restless and fidgety. Like right now: checking how long until we land, looking at the ground, noticing microscopic bumps in the air. Much more aware that I’m in the sky. I’m not anxious, but not relaxed. When I take pre-flight medicine I feel like how I would presume a normal, non fearing person feels on a plane. I’m sitting on a couch in front of the tv — oh wait, I’m actually in a metal tube in the sky, but no big deal since it feels the same as being at home. Let me just finish this book or this TV show and I don’t care how much longer the flight is because I’m occupied with my entertainment. I don’t ever feel them beginning to work . . . they just do.
So I write to distract myself from my thoughts. I’m not anxious, just uncomfortable — a bit unsettled in my own skin. Of course I could take it now, but there’s only 20 minutes until we land and I don’t really need it (and thus, the circle continues). I do roll my eyes at myself. Especially since “taking it” means I bite one of my 1/2 mg tablets into thirds or halves, depending on how they break apart under my front teeth. Ooh, I should get a few more of those before I go back. I think I got 10 a year ago and still have 7, but … if I can barely get Zoloft in UAE, I’m probably not going to be able to get clonazapam.
A friend asked for an update on my scheme to get Mexican Prozac for the dog. I’ve decided to skip it because it’s classified as a controlled substance by the UAE government and a person isn’t allowed to import more than a 3 month supply and it is supposed to be accompanied by a signed statement from the doctor, etc. (and probably has to be stamped and authenticated too!) I’ll have to save my pill efforts for my own supply. I’ll start googling to find an herbal or vitamin supplement for dogs that could act as a stand in instead.
So what’s next for us? Today we fly back to N California and spend the next 2 weeks in Santa Cruz. We will see Calvin a teeny bit and renew our drivers licenses. Inshallah — I better start studying for the test. We have to test because they expired years ago, but were still legal as long as we were stationed overseas and he was active duty. That will be a fun day as there are no appointments until the end of August so we’ll have to line up with the masses.
Josh flies to Texas at the end of July to start work. He’ll be there for about a week, then will fly to DC for a few days for meetings at the embassies of the various Middle East countries he’ll be working with. The 3 kids will fly to visit their grandparents in South Carolina and I will fly back to Abu Dhabi to start work mid August. Josh and I should arrive back in AD at the same time and we’ll have about a week to get a jump start on our residency and house hunting before the kids join us.
And . . . we’re almost on the ground. The next time I’m on a plane will be when I’m headed back to AD. Just under a month from today. I’ll be taking my meds for sure.