building a life

I’m sure you’re all sick of hearing about my state of perpetual limbo. A friend (Hi Jan!), asked when we would know more or be more certain of our future here and the answer to that is, “I don’t know” or “inshallah we will be here,” as both fit the circumstance.

But over the past month, and especially last week when Josh was in the US, he has felt more and more like he has a place within his new division, that he adds value, and that people are coming to rely on him. So over the weekend I determined that we should shift our focus from purgatory to making plans for the future. Now that last sentence makes it sound like I’m being bossy, but it happened as part of a conversation (many conversations!) evaluating Josh’s experiences over the past few months, his upcoming projects, several meetings he’s had with key people, and was a conclusion that I shared, rather than an edict from on high.

From my outside perspective (as the non-employee) I think the end of this year will come (August 1st) and the company will roll on, realizing that Josh’s presence here serves a unique and valuable purpose. Yes, to continue means they have to commit to another year of housing and school (big bucks), but I think inertia will prevail. When he transferred divisions in February his boss implied that he had 6 months to prove his worth, but since then has signed off on every request, been hands off, and let Josh have free rein to to the best job that he is able to do. We’ve seen repeatedly that because he is here he is the go to guy for a lot of different things for several different divisions. He’s the designated hitter, the pinch runner, and the relief pitcher, to use examples from baseball.

Changing our perspective from temporary to semi-permanent means that we buy a car (check), we talk about traveling for next year’s school breaks — I want to take the kids skiing/snowboarding again. Maybe we’ll go over spring break? It means we make plans (something we haven’t done for the past 2 years because of the uncertainty of retirement and then this first year of chaos). We stop protecting ourselves and commit to figuring out what living here long term looks like.

As for the other job offer that came up in February? We haven’t heard a peep since then. That offer was a lifeline that came at the perfect time and gave Josh the right mindset to do his job without fear or stress for the future, but as things look now, it’s not needed.

I’m already seeing results from having a longer term vision for living here. Camille has been brimming with confidence. Her latest refrain is, “I’m awesome,” and I love that she believes it. She is excited about coming back to school in August, starting 4th grade, and continuing with swimming (She’s learning butterfly stroke this month).

Whenever this ride ends, we know that God will provide for where we go next. For now we’ll grow roots and see how deep they can go.