“Ugh, if only it were a Groundhog kind of day,” I thought as I stood in our driveway with the bus parked in front of our house and Carter hiding and sulking under the Jeep. I decided to wave the bus on and take him to school myself if he ever decided to crawl out from under the car.
The morning didn’t start out with any hint that things were going to blow up right as the bus pulled up. Everyone was up and dressed and eating breakfast without much fuss. I actually remembered to check the calendar and saw that Caleb needed to bring his library books back. Lucy packed up the lunches I had prepped the night before. Winning.
But then Carter learned that he would have to wear something other than his beloved barefoot shoes to school because I had washed them the night before and they weren’t fully dry. Normally I would have let him wear them wet, but they had become so funkified that I was having to store them outside every night. So I washed them twice in vinegar and they smell good again. I knew that in order to have a chance of them staying tolerable for more than a day or two that they needed to be bone dry before he started wearing them again.
This common sense was meaningless to Carter. He started sulking and saying that if he couldn’t wear his barefoot shoes then he wasn’t wearing any shoes at all. I gave him his flip flops and he said he hated all of his other shoes and that I couldn’t make him wear them. Totally true. He stomped outside to wait for the bus barefoot.
Josh and I had a quick whispered conference debating the merits of the logical consequences of going to school without shoes, but decided that since it had to be against school policy to be shoeless that we wouldn’t let him get on the bus. If he had been willing to tuck his flips in his bag I would have counted on peer pressure or another adult pointing out that he needed to put them on once he arrived, but he wouldn’t even look at them.
Once we told him that he had to wear some sort of footwear in order to go to school, that’s when he yelled something about hating all his other shoes and crawled under the Jeep. I guess the ridiculousness of the entire situation kept me from getting angry. I am so relaxed about what they wear and give them so much freedom in this area, but this was a hill I decided I was willing to die on. He keeps threatening that he won’t go to school if he doesn’t get his way about things, but he has always turned it around before the bus comes. This time I decided to call his bluff and the bus drove away.
Josh went ahead to the gym without me and I ignored Carter (who had moved to hiding in the side yard). He started following me around saying things like, “I’m not going to school if I can’t wear my barefoot shoes.” I told him that he wasn’t wearing them today for sure and if he didn’t figure out a different pair that he was willing to wear then he might not have them to wear at all. Then I heard lots of talk about “never going to school again,” but I simply replied, “Oh, that’s too bad.” and happily checked my email, facebook, etc while he flopped on the couch. After about 10 minutes of quiet he comes up to me and says, “I was thinking and I remembered that I have music today and last time we did the limbo and I also have World Languages (Arabic) and I really like that too . . . so I’m sorry, will you please take me to school?”
And then it was as if a switch flipped and he happily raced off to find socks and put on some shoes and I drove him to school and we made it in plenty of time. He apologized many times (sorry I messed up your workout, sorry you had to make an extra trip to drive me, sorry I was being a butthead) but I explained that he was more important than any of those other things and that it was more important that he learn that sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to do or wear things that we don’t want to wear.
I guess we could have spanked him (except we don’t), but what good would that have done? He would have changed his behavior based on fear and/or resentment and when the threat of spanking was removed there would be no incentive to change. This way he made the decision for himself and felt sincere remorse for being a pain in my behind this morning. He learned he doesn’t always get his way and that the world doesn’t end just because he has to wear a different pair of shoes. And he came to those conclusions all on his own, with no punishment from me. The best part for me was finding out that he actually likes school. Win. Win. Win.
***yes, I know my blog is turning into “The Carter Show,” but he’s the squeaky wheel at the moment. And how could I not share a story that involves a 10 year old hiding under a car? He better grow up to do something great so someday I can say it was all worth it. 😉
